Tuesday, 23 August 2011

Never Fails

Its amazing to me that Job can be so strong and confident in himself.  That he could sit, mourning in a pile of ashes, with three friends telling him how he must have done something wrong, and say he knows he didn't deserve what he got.  I mean, he had the guts to call God out and say, if I did something wrong, than tell me straight.  I don't think I could ever do what Job did. 

Granted, we've all been in that place where we don't understand why something has happened to us and we call out to God asking why.  Or in a place of indecision when we try and test God by giving him an ultimatum.  We have all cried out to God for, what we think are, the injustices in our lives but I don't think I would have the guts to take it as far as Job does.  Why, instead of making all that noise, complaining to the Father, don't we just sit and listen?  Maybe find a quiet place where we can sit and dive into scripture.  Where we can pray, and ask for the Holy Spirit to enter in and give us internal peace.

Sounds easy right!?

My question to myself at this point was, how does someone like me, who struggles with herself every time she looks in the mirror, get to a place of confidence like Job?  The answer I received was, I know getting to Job's level seems somewhat unrealistic, but isn't that the whole reason Jesus came to die for me?  Everything we are supposed to be, every law given to us by God, is unattainable.  My pastor put it this way... Jesus dying on the cross isn't Him giving us a boost over the high bar of laws we have to clear.  When Jesus died on the cross, He cleared the high bar for us! 

I know with every fiber of my being, that all i need is Jesus.  I CAN learn to love myself and have confidence in myself.  The first step is opening myself to the Holy Spirit and shutting my heart to the lies of the enemy.  It's not going to happen over night, I know that.  It's not going to be easy.  Satan will be ready and waiting to strike me down the first chance he gets.  I will not be so easily torn down!  I have been down this road a few times before but this time will be different.  This time I know I have people in my life who will be there at a moments notice.  I have the spiritual support I need to find the woman God intended.  I am ready for this journey that I have started on and I can't wait to meet God's Lora.  To break free from everything that has been holding me back!

I encourage anyone reading this to start down the healing path.  Put people around you who will be there to guide and support you in your effort to heal the deep wounds that hold you back!  Remember that God's love never fails.  Jesus Culture sing the song Your Love Never Fails.  Its a great song to listen to, or even just read, when ever you are feeling down or alone.  Here are the lyrics...

Nothing can separate
Even if I ran away
Your love never fails
I know I still make mistakes, but
You have new mercy for me everyday
Your love never fails

You stay the same through the ages
Your love never changes
There may be pain in the night
But joy comes in the morning
And when the oceans rage
I don’t have to be afraid
Because I know that you love me
And your love never fails

The wind is strong and the water’s deep, but
I’m not alone here in these open seas
Cause your love never fails
The chasm was far too wide
I never thought I’d reach the other side
But your love never fails

You make all things, work together for my good

... Thank you God, for Your never failing love and for your Holy Spirit who dwells in me.


Ever Wonder?

Have you ever wondered, at that moment, when a song fits perfectly into your current situation, why the Holy Spirit waited till then to shake you to your core?  Have you ever had a friend placed in your life who is there solely to be God's voice in your life and make you snap out of it?

Tonight, I had an experience where both of these amazing, soul changing, moments took place.

My best friend B has always been up front with me.  Her words bless me every time we are together.  This weekend she has been on me to stop making excuses for everything and lay all my insecurities at God's feet.  I guess I overcompensate for my lack of self confidence by being a little bit snooty, and coming off very conceited and narcissistic (among other things).  And there I go, starting to make excuses again.  Getting out of her car i decided, this is it!  The beginning of the end of my excuses.  I know it won't be easy, and it won't happen overnight but I will do it!  "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me"!! (Phil 4:13)

After our talk, I went up to my apartment to take a look at a DTS I'm interested in and to start this blog.  First thing I almost always do when I get home is turn on some music and, every once in a while, a song will come on that fits my mood. This time however, the song was an exact reflection, and confirmation, of everything B had just been telling me! It was the song Beautiful Things, by Gungor.  The crazy thing is, I've been listening to this song, and the whole album in fact, for the last 2 months and it has never hit me the way it did tonight. The lyrics are as follows...

All this pain
I wonder if I’ll ever find my way
I wonder if my life could really change at all
All this earth
Could all that is lost ever be found
Could a garden come up from this ground at all

You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us

All around
Hope is springing up from this old ground
Out of chaos life is being found in You

You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us

You make me new, You are making me new
You make me new, You are making me new
You are making me new

... of course, I started crying immediately ('cause I'm a sap like that).  I felt in my heart that all the changes I need to make are not changes I can make in myself, but changes that I need to let the Holy Spirit take hold of and run with!  As long as its just me trying to make the changes, they will fail at every turn.  However, Christ's death and resurrection has made me new!! My prayer for the next foreseeable future will be that the Holy Spirit will take me, a worthless, broken, sinful person, and mold me into the woman I need to be to further His kingdom here on earth.

My final thought for the evening is Psalms 34:18 and it says, "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit."  It is a constant encouragement to me to know that because of my faith, the Lord will be there to carry me through times like these. Be blessed in whatever struggles you are going through right now, and know that God is right behind you, to catch you when you fall.